June 11th, 1809: Napoleon Bonaparte

check out who i ran into while on a mid-summer's day stroll through france in the early 1800s:

(low rumble)

(ground shaking... lights flickering... blinding light... whooshing sound...)

ZAP!

booya, boys and girls. the pope has returned from, wait for it, the future. you need not fret, ethics are of the utmost importance to me. my knowledge of things to come shall only be used for good and never for evil (cue dramatic strings).

before you ask, let me answer your questions. (i know them, i've been to the future. are you not getting this?)

Q: where did you go?

A: the question you ask is an interesting one, mainly because it demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding of the subject at hand. the question isn't WHERE did i go, but WHEN did i go? and the answer is twofold:

1. i travelled to a far off, remote time in the unknown future. in the words of today, it would be referred to as january 2nd, 2009.
2. i left early yesterday.

a quick side note: normally i would have returned to the instant i departed, ensuring that i miss not a second of the normally edge-of-your-seat, nail biting experience that is my everyday life but it turns out the rest of today had little to write home about so i chose to fast-forward to my evening ritual consisting of a relaxing bubble bath smelling of lavender while anthem rock ballads play softly in the background followed by my nightly dose of LOST (wednesdays, 8/7c on ABC) reruns. interesting how LOST has hinted towards a plot line involving time travel... coincidence? 

Q: what happens in season 5 of LOST?

A: i don't know, if you were paying attention to the answer given earlier you would know i didn't travel that far into the future. we may have unlocked the secrets of time travel but we still have a need for surprise and anticipation.

Q: what does the future look like?

A: something like this:

note: this image may be confusing to you as you have to be acclimated the future.

Q: why did you go?

A: i was eager to see if a certain someone has purchased a certain something for a certain you-know-who and a very special day in the not-so-distant future. you know who you are. here's your chance to change the future and not disappoint me again. (you've already disappointed me once on the future)

i know you have many more questions. really? you don't know how i know? you obviously have not been listening. i need to rest my head, time travel as you may or may not know (i'm guessing you don't) is a very strenuous activity. we shall reconvene in the days to come and we will continue our attempt to educated you on all things in all times.

until the future,

preston pope - time defier.

january 24th, 1992 : let the great experiment begin

greetings. this shall be the first entry in what shall henceforth be known as the timelog. a journal of our fabulous and mysterious and outrageous exploits through time which will be taking place on an almost daily basis, now that our time-machine has been completed.

here is the fabled machine.

by now i'm sure you're all wondering the same two things. firstly "why aren't any of these sentences capitalized?" simple. in the future, sentences start with lower case letters. secondly: "where is the flux capacitor?" ha ha ha ha. you really are that simple, aren't you? get your head out of the clouds. genius ideas like time machines don't come from "HOLLYWOOD, C.A." they come from IDEAVILLE, MY HEAD. now that i've wasted enough time with these ridiculous questions, i will explain some of the finer points of this fine machine.



as you can see, it comes with four modes, a customizable layout, numerous options, oh, and most importantly: time traveling capabilities. shit, i almost forgot about the selectable options!

i'll be honest with you, it wasn't easy. it took over one whole prototype before we finally perfected the beautiful piece of machinery you see glowing one paragraph above this very paragraph. with its options and modes; so selectable, customizable, and time travelable as they are.

PROTOTYPE:




as you can see, we've come a long way. for a minute there, i wasn't sure this whole "time machine" thing was going to work. buut one viewing of back to the future later i realized: if there was a way to get 1.21 gigawatts out of two AA batteries, INSTEAD of a nuclear reactor, well then we might just have something here. so one cup of coffee and one viewing of house MD later, TA-DA! the pocket time machine!

PRODUCTION MODEL:
so watch out, hold on, and check back often. because i plan on really using this thing. this isn't going to be like the magic bullet or the pasta maker. i am REALLY going to get my moneys worth from this one.

peace love and futura,

robert reaves. - time traveller.

Welcome to The Future

You've found it. The source of all things future-ish. You're welcome.